l

Now.

Sooooo I'm still sick... nag nag. But I'm still up and about. Meeting friends. Oh I'm at my parents by the way. I think I have forgot to mention that hmm. Oh well. I'll see if I can cut together a video soon (I have three filmed but I don't know if they are ok), without having a BF. BITCH FIT.
No but seriously, I will probably break down in tears if it doesn't work or overwork it.

I clean a lot now too. I get stuck in it. I see more and more that must get tidied up. I can't stop unless someone makes me stop. Yesterday Roberto had to force me to eat because I was crazy hungry but could not stop.
I was away in our room here at my parent's (we're at my parent's) for over an hour, cleaning. It felt like 10 minutes tops. I was going there to change clothes but I thought I could tidy up our stuff. Then I saw the bookshelf and I put all the books in place. Child books from tall to shoort, magazines tall to short etc. I also found boxes I had to fix and the kitchen later when I was going to make something to eat.

Ugh. It feels like I'm just getting more and more problems. BUT!!!!!!!!! I'm a lot hapoier now than I used to be. But I also get more upset than before and my panic attacks are worse. Or they are back and worse than before. I have bruises on my legs from my last one. I was on the floor kicking my legs on the stone floor.

Bah. I hope it's ok that I'm writing about this. It helps me to get shit out of my system this way. I can also go back and read my posts about this whenever I need to as long as I have internet. So I can forget my notes at home when I go to my doctor and still have my notes online. Yaaay.

I'm going to get ready for this day now. I just pulled out my extensions so that feels a bit shit. My skin is quite bad too. So I don't feel pretty (mainly my skin) but I'm calm and pretty happy.

I tried to photograph my skin and legs. It doesn't show my bruises too much. I usually don't get these kinds of bruses so the one I have is huge for beeing me.

I hope you're having a much better time than I am :)

7 comments :

  1. Damn, you are not well :( I thought that you were just attention seeking (like 99% of teenagers) but GOD DAMN IT, you need serious help immediately! :(((

    I am sooo sorry, I wish you come back to your normal self (I don't mean normal literally) and get through this AS FAST AS POSSIBLE!

    I wish you all the luck in the world!

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  2. I hope you feel better soon :/ I have really terrible skin and when I'm felling really bad about it, I put some make-up and it at least makes me feel a little better at the moment and I stop feeling so shitty.. and I try using natural make-up so it doesn't break my skin even more. Panic attacks are really awful I always hurt myself too, It's really hard to stop, I know how you're feeling. Keep in mind that you're strong and a good person and you don't deserve too be hurt. XO

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  3. oh dear. get well very soon.
    i'm 26 and since i'm 14 i have a very bad acne or what ever.
    a little pimple or a bite of a mosquito became a ver deep wound for months...

    without make up? whothout me :3

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  4. Oh, my skin used to be like that, and hopefully the medication I'm on helps, at least it now is quite okay. I've antibiotics and Epiduo. Perhaps you should also go and see doctor about this? Although doctors always suggested me to have a contraceptive pills but for me they make me a another person but my skin was good though but yeah, they are not so great for everybody and have their downsides...
    I'm sorry you're having this bad time, I wish you all the best!

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  5. Don`t be so sad,everything will be okay,and you are still pretty, nothing gonna steal it from you!

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  6. Brukar du plocka/riva/klämma i ansiktet när du har ångest/är stressad/rastlös ?

    - Jag hade själv det problemet - dvs. min hy var i grunden ej så dålig, men jag GJORDE den dålig - för att jag rev minsta lilla ojämnhet i ansiktet, och därför gav mig själv finnar av allt pillande - och sår.

    Ibland kan det vara man själv som orsakar problemet, utan att tänka på det, för att man mår som skit - och tar ut frustration, på huden.

    Kolla upp "Dermatillomani", kanske! (tvång att plocka på huden)

    Hoppas saker vänder till det bättre snart.
    <3

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    Replies
    1. Ja, jag tror det är en blandning av det. Det är både det och klösa upp alla sår jag har. Och jag får många på sommaren av alla myggbett jag får. Så ofta får jag stora sår också. Det saknas ju bara att något ska bli infekterat. Kan även riva bort naglar, skinnet på läppar osv. Jag har inte tänkt på att jag har väldigt mycket problem med detta tills du skrev det där :O Det fick mig att tänka hut mkt sånt jag faktist gör :(
      Tack så mycket <3

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