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Learning to embrace myself.




It's not hard to make me smile, there just not a lot of things that makes me (right now). I had just written quite a lot, I though I copied it but I didn't. Blogger sometimes puts pictures you upload where they want, instead of where you want. So I was going to move the text and deleted it before I knew it was copied. I did not remember everything but mjeh, it's ok ^--^

Today I stopped at the playground to swing when my fiancé and I went for a walk. It was so much fun! I can't remember when I got a smile on my face so quickly. It was hard work after a while, I started feeling it in my arm muscles (or lack of). We have swings pretty close to our home, so I can go there whenever I want!

Ever since I left my last psychologist I've started to understand myself more and started to accept myself in a whole other way than before. My stuffed animals are back out of their coffin. Look how happy they are! Whenever I feel really poop I cuddle up and hug them, it makes me feel a lot better. Everyone has to join in because if not, the ones who are not there will get sad.

I now embrace the things I always knew I liked even more. Specially the "childish" and "silly" things. I did that before too, but it feels different now when I realise it's such a big part of me and how much it really means to me to have such things around and to do such things. I've always felt a bit hurt whenever someone commented on it in a negative way. Not because I was seen as silly of childish but because they didn't seem to understand who I was/am. I don't blame anyone though, I didn't understand either. If I did I would have said something, if it happens now I'm going to say how it hurts and why.






Knowing these things I feel even more confident in beeing the youngest in the family. Both my siblings seem older than me now, I'm actually 8 and 9 years older. A few years ago I felt the same age as my sister, now she seems older. It's not only that I like and enjoy things that kids usually do, I feel mentally a lot younger than I am. That can be a bad thing when it comes to beeing able to do all the things that are expected of me. Even I expect me to be able to do and handle things that I can't do or handle. But at the same time I feel calm knowing that I will most likely never change that much. I find a lot of comfort in that, I don't like changes or changing.

When this whole investigation thing is over I'm going to make a post and/or a videoblog about it. I like talking about it, I think it's because it makes me understand myself even more.




4 comments :

  1. Känner igen mig lite i det du skriver.
    Själv börjar jag snart med KBT terapi - ska bli intressant! ^^

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  2. Very nicely written. You seem like such a beautiful person <3 I wish you lots of luck in your journey of self discovery and acceptance. I've been reading your blog for some years now, and somehow you always give me hope and inspire me.

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  3. Everyone should be able to learn about theirselves. I think it is totally fine to like childish stuff and to become happy while enjoying little things in life like playing in a park if we were kids, I do it too, and there's nothing bad in it. It is bad for the people to not be able to understand that we are not equal to others and we see life in a lot of different ways, and it is fine, it will be boring if we all liked same stuff, wouldn't it? I also feel a lot younger than I actually am, I feel like I'm on my 15 or 17 as a maximum, and I'm almost 20. I think this is because I become an adult at a very young age because of the circumstances, but you can't imagine how upper happy it makes me to feel comfortable to do things that other people of my age or even younger people wouldn't do. My sister is living like a more adult life than me, and she's only 16, but, hey, where's the problem? We will never regret of this, believe me. And, oh, you're not childish refering in to some things people wait for you to do, because you have to act as your heart wants you to act, there's nothing people can never expect feom you to do.
    Glad to see you're enjoying again, though.
    Kisses

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