This might be a "way to much information" post. About physical end mental illness and issues. Quite negative too, just so you know.
Tomorrow I'll be going to my doctor, again... I was at my surgeon today for my check up (many months later than it should have been due to stuff), he said that everything looked great and the swelling and soreness was not from any complications from the surgery. Which is good, as long as it's not anything worse. He suggested it may be hormonal imbalance. It sounds beliveble to me, I've read up on it and it can fit.
My tongue is also starting to swell up, I just talked to my mum and she thought I sounded ill, but it's just my tounge that is getting big. I also have these really wierd spots on it. I'vre tried to google it but nothing comes up that looks like it. The swelling could be because of hormonal imbalance too, but those wierds spots. Uhmmm... The ones that look most similare are the ones that turns out to be cancer, but it's still quite far from what mine looks like. I would take a picture haha but I don't think anyone would like to see that. People seem to think that kind of stuff is gross.
I've started to feel feverish, but I don't have fever, or I have fever according to me and my normal temperature, but not according to doctors. I get exhausted from walking up short hills or stairs, but I can dance quite a lot wihout getting tired. I also stink, I can't even wash off the smell, it's crazy. Once again hormonal imbalance could be the cause of it. But uh. I care less and less every day. I feel that a part of me even wish this is something serious so that I will get some help for something instead of just sitting around waiting...
I got a message today saying how long the waiting list is to get the investigation. It jut made me cry. It may not sound that much when I tell you, it's 6 months. But I'll explain why I took this they way I did (or am, I'm still really down about this).
When I got sent to this new place where I am right now and where my investigation for Autistic Spectrum Disorder is going to take place I got put on sickleave until Febuary. The way I understood that doctor (not my usual one), was that the investigation would most likely be over and done by then. When I started to go there, met a new doctor, a nurse and left som blood samples and such I asked how long it was going to take for the investigation to start. I then got the answer that "after you have started to leave tests it doesn't take long". So I thought, that meant 3 months, tops. I also got put on a priority list (which I have no hopes for at all at the moment), that made me think it could take only 1-2 months before we got started.
I've had this whole idéa built up that I would be done with this before my birthday. Now it looks like I will not even have begun before my birthday. When these sort of things happens my whole world sort of collpases. I had this thing all figured out, how it was going to go, I even put on extra months so I wouldn't get to where I am right now. Because I know that I get like this and I do my best to avoid it. But then this happened and I feel that I don't even want to do this anymore.
I can't really go anywhere either. Because I have appointments at this place once a week. I wish I could just go away and stay with my parents for a while. But no. I oculd for about a week. I will go and visit, but I just feel locked to waiting. I know that's in my imagination but it's very hard to break free from.
I've been on sick leave for more or less 1 and a half year now. At first I thought I was going back pretty soon. Now I know that's highly unlikely. Then in the begining of this summer I got an appointment to a psychologist, I thought that's when my investigation started. Turned out that was not the case. It was some sort of "before investigation" thing, I think. Then she sent me forward to another place (where I am now) and, everything goes so slowly and I feel as if I'm standing still just waiting whie nothing is happening.
So, tomorrow I'll be going back to my doctor. I was there last friday to check up on the swelling in my breasts (I did mention this a little earlier), she didn't find anything then. So that's good, I hope. But I forgot about my tongue and now when it has started to swell up and look even worse I have to go back. Internet told me so haha. A nurse I called for guidence also told me to go to my doctor as soon as possible so, mjeh, going back. Hopefully I'll know more about what's going on tomorrow.