I have no clue what I am doing but I will keep on doing it

9/26/2016 03:33:00 PM

I heard sharing yourself in one way or another is a good thing to do, not only for yourself but also for others. I have been cut off from so much for so long. Going back to social media feels strange in so many ways. So many thoughts comes up. I have grown and learned so many things about the world and myself that I know that I don't know. I have worked on "coming back" and I belive why it has been so hard is of how it used to be, how I used to be seen and how I saw myself. I have stripped so many layers and have come to realizations that has been hard to accept for myself. My fear of rejection. Woh, boom. I just started understanding why sharing this way is important for me. It makes me come to even deeper realizations and it helps me, hopefully it will also help someone else as well.  Now just knowing that I have that fear makes it so much easier to just not have it anymore. Why? Because I will not reject myself, not my true self, therefore I have no reason to fear rejection. It is still a bit scary though, putting yourself out there wanting to share and connect when you are still wobbly and insecure at times. But I have been by myself without much contact with people for a few months now, so not sharing can't really make me more "lonely". Maybe that is why it is a bit of a challange for me to come out of my shell. Well challange accepted then! 

Coming back, trying to adapt to this reality isn't really working out or me, so I'll just find a path that works. Ha ha, funny of how I have been told for the last couple of years but keep forgetting that "you should not try and adapt to your surroundings, you should adapt your surroundings to you".  I often find myself wanting to explain why and how my life is at this moment, instead of just sharing. I get stuck there a bit. At the same time wanting to be deeply personal. Getting to find some sort of balance in it all and not take it all so seriosly. I basically want to come back, share and talk to you in order to grow, socialize, have fun and hopefully help others in some way an shred light!

Have had this thought pop up that I would start with at least post ONE post here a day. Whatever it is. I think that could do something. Also if you have any ideas, thoughts or questions feel free to share and if it feels right I'll continue to spin on it! 


Oh and look at these amazing gothic looking mushrooms with you that I found in the middle of decay. 





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